At some point or another in your lifetime, you will experience a houseguest like Fat Kyle. In my head, Fat Kyle is the equivalent of an anti-social Cartman.
Fat Kyle hails from the mysterious land of Wisconsin, home to cheese heads, the Green Bay Packers, and not much else. Since he lacks anything better to do, Kyle is a video gamer.
Scott first met Kyle when they were in 8th grade playing Diablo II. I've never played the Diablo series, but UrbanDictionary defines it as "An online game which is so addictive it takes a lot away from the player by ruining their lives and if they ever try to leave it they find that the company deleted their account which causes them to start all over again like a never ending cycle of being trapped in it: also see Final Fantasy XI."
Years later, after they had all graduated from High School and tried life in the real world, Scott decided to give up both Diablo II and his FFXI game to Fat Kyle. Kyle was 22 years old, Scott was 21. Seems like a simple exchange of passwords to me, but what do I know about these things. Apparently, in order to trade accounts, you need to have the whole thing notarized by an official notary due to some EULA (End-User License Agreement) law and whatnot. All that fine print that we click "yes, I read this, continue" after reading "Important, read all." The things we never really think about. I tried reading about this EULA thing to give you more of a scope of how serious it actually is, but my eyes glazed over. Suffice it to say, they needed a notary to make it officially legal.
Anyway, Fat Kyle decides to come visit Scott and his girlfriend. He told them to "have some activities planned" and expected to spend a full week with them at their apartment. The two of them aren't used to company interested in actually doing stuff, so they plan to tour the major attractions of the mid-PA area. I assume Hershey Park, mini golf, and a zoo were involved, considering they're about all our area has to offer at the moment.
Fat Kyle wasn't an ungraceous guest. He brought Scott and his girlfriend each a cheese hat from the wildes of Wisconsin. What he was, however, was an unmotivated gaming nerd. For each activity Scott suggested, Fat Kyle said "no." He was hard to remove from their couch and wanted to sit there all day and play video games with Scott. In fact, he seemed very standoffish towards Scott's girlfriend and resented her interruptions throughout the day.
Since Scott and his girlfriend couldn't get Fat Kyle out of the house, they decided to bring some amusement to him. They planned a party that weekend, and a few of their close friends were invited. It seemed like a great idea to introduce Kyle to some of Scott's friends that they had almost certainly talked about during their years of gaming together. Since Kyle didn't seem particularly interested in anything, they decided not to mention it until the last possible moment. When people started arriving, Kyle seemed out of his element. Within an hour, he was outside on the porch crying.
"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" doesn't apply when you're three quarters of the way across the country at another person's house at a party filled with their friends.
Fat Kyle ended up leaving Scott's apartment early, cutting his visit in half. He spent an extra hundred dollars or so changing his flight plans. To this day, we're pretty sure the only reason he came down was to transfer the Final Fantasy XI account.
Update: After Fat Kyle left, he constantly spam texted Scott's girlfriend, calling her nasty names and relentlessly berating her for no reason. She eventually got his number blocked by her service provider. Very mature for a 22 year old man, wouldn't you say? Now, if you ask me, a man who travels across the country to visit another man, play video games side by side, and trash-talk the girlfriend in this situation sounds very suspicious. I'd hazard a guess and say... "FAT KYLE LOVES SCOTT." But that wouldn't be very mature of me. I'll let you say it instead.
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