A year and a half ago, I met one of the coolest mothers around. I was dating her 20 year old son at the time and she seemed to approve of me. However, meeting the parents is always the most awkward experience for me when starting a new relationship. This was no exception.
I was 20 years old and had met "Mark" at a party. Having just gotten out of an extremely abusive relationship, I didn't want anything too serious, but I was flattered that he was so interested in talking to me. Nerves got the best of me and I got completely wasted. My friend offered him a ride home, dropping me off on the way. I carry three things with me at all times: my phone, my chapstick, and my keys. Whenever I'm drunk, I tend to lose these things one at a time, even though they're usually in my hands. So the entire car ride home, I'm in tears because I can't find my phone in my left hand, my keys in my right hand, and my chapstick in my pocket. The entire journey was 15 minutes, but it felt like forever. Eventually I just started apologizing to Mark for being so drunk, since I apologize for everything even when it's not my fault, and drunk me didn't think he knew I was sorry enough. Anyway, he seemed to think this was cute and we exchanged numbers (I think... somehow it ended up in my phone, gets a little fuzzy) and went on a few dates.
Mark lived out on Pittsburgh, a 4 hour drive from my little college town. He was home for a month between semesters, living with his mom and his brother. After staying over at my place one weekend, he invites me to spend the night at his place after another party, and again, I'm too drunk to really protest that it would be shocking for his mother. Or I just didn't think about it. I'm not sure.
Anyway, we go back to his mom's house, and I sleep the night off in his basement room. The next morning, we go upstairs to watch TV, but someone was already watching. It was his mom. I had hoped to sneak out while she was at work, but no, she doesn't work on Saturdays. My mistake. We introduce ourselves, explain that Mark and I have been dating for the past few weeks, and she offers me a cup of coffee. And some cinnamon rolls. Apparently she'd been waiting for us to wake up for a few hours.
Things got really awkward when I explained my job at the bookstore. We started chatting about books, music, TV, and things we enjoy. She tells me about her failed relationship with Mark's father, with her drug-addicted ex, and so on. Then she offers to lend me a book her girlfriends had bought her for her birthday. "It's about not giving up the cookies too early in a relationship, but I think it's already a too late for you."
Gee, thanks "Mom."
This woman didn't mind that I slept over at her house whenever Mark was in town. She even said to me once "At least someone got laid." She didn't even mind when I came to visit her between long-distance booty calls or interviewed her on what it was like to be widowed at such a young age. What she found awkward was planning what to make for breakfast each time.
Priorities, eh?
Turns out, awkwardness is all in the interpretation of the situation.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Adventures in Awkwardland, Episode 2: Trudy and the Strap On
"Trudy" is the most awkward person I know. She is a full-time lesbian, a part-time entertainer, and a freelance assclown. I could probably dedicate an entire blog to her stories, but instead, I'll write a few of her escapades and hope she never Googles herself.
A very good friend of mine (who's name will be changed to "Claudia") is currently dating Trudy. This is how our frightfully awkward friend wormed her way into my life.
During the early stages of their relationship, Trudy was just meeting some of Claudia's friends. One, in particular, was named Lauren. Lauren has a bad habit of dating trashy women. After going through a few detailed examples and pictures of her past flames, everyone agreed that Lauren did, in fact, make poor life choices.
Trudy kicked the awkward level up a notch.
"So, Claudia, why aren't you dating Lauren?"
-silence-
By impling that Claudia was a trashy woman in front of her friends, Trudy earned a night in the doghouse. But it gets worse.
I threw a socially awkward party at my apartment after Thanksgiving. Claudia and Trudy stopped by, each adopting a new habit to make them socially awkward. Claudia's was to slowly pet the hair of the person she was talking to. Trudy's was to rub her nipples and hump everyone in the room. "Socially Awkward" became "Awkward Rape." Even after we dropped the party theme and just dedicated ourselves to four loko and beer, Trudy shoved her hands down 3 peoples' pants and gave two surprised strangers aggressive lap dances.
Tonight's final story of Trudy is a shocker. Readers under 17, close your eyes. Parents, lock your children away.
Claudia invited her friend Angie over for an evening of movies and popcorn. Trudy was, of course, invited as well, and the three of them expected to have a relaxing evening. Wait for it, this gets good.
Trudy and Claudia had ordered a strap on from the local Den and were instructed to pick it up that evening. Since Angie was visiting, they invited her along. Angie didn't want to sit alone in Claudia's apartment while the others had a road trip, so of course she accompanied them. It was only a 15 minute journey, and the three of them had an easy time popping in and out of the store. Trudy couldn't wait to get home and try the new strap-on on. She disappeared for a few seconds in the back room and re-emerged wearing it under her jeans. The entire schlong was sticking straight out between the zipper of her jeans. Claudia's dying of laughter, Angie's shocked, and Trudy is getting even more excited. Since Angie's the least impressed, Trudy decides to make the awkwardness even worse.
She humps her.
With a strap on.
After this escapade, Trudy earned herself a platinum medal in the Awkwardland hall of fame. I challenge you to share a story that even comes close to this level of awkward entertainment.
A very good friend of mine (who's name will be changed to "Claudia") is currently dating Trudy. This is how our frightfully awkward friend wormed her way into my life.
During the early stages of their relationship, Trudy was just meeting some of Claudia's friends. One, in particular, was named Lauren. Lauren has a bad habit of dating trashy women. After going through a few detailed examples and pictures of her past flames, everyone agreed that Lauren did, in fact, make poor life choices.
Trudy kicked the awkward level up a notch.
"So, Claudia, why aren't you dating Lauren?"
-silence-
By impling that Claudia was a trashy woman in front of her friends, Trudy earned a night in the doghouse. But it gets worse.
I threw a socially awkward party at my apartment after Thanksgiving. Claudia and Trudy stopped by, each adopting a new habit to make them socially awkward. Claudia's was to slowly pet the hair of the person she was talking to. Trudy's was to rub her nipples and hump everyone in the room. "Socially Awkward" became "Awkward Rape." Even after we dropped the party theme and just dedicated ourselves to four loko and beer, Trudy shoved her hands down 3 peoples' pants and gave two surprised strangers aggressive lap dances.
Tonight's final story of Trudy is a shocker. Readers under 17, close your eyes. Parents, lock your children away.
Claudia invited her friend Angie over for an evening of movies and popcorn. Trudy was, of course, invited as well, and the three of them expected to have a relaxing evening. Wait for it, this gets good.
Trudy and Claudia had ordered a strap on from the local Den and were instructed to pick it up that evening. Since Angie was visiting, they invited her along. Angie didn't want to sit alone in Claudia's apartment while the others had a road trip, so of course she accompanied them. It was only a 15 minute journey, and the three of them had an easy time popping in and out of the store. Trudy couldn't wait to get home and try the new strap-on on. She disappeared for a few seconds in the back room and re-emerged wearing it under her jeans. The entire schlong was sticking straight out between the zipper of her jeans. Claudia's dying of laughter, Angie's shocked, and Trudy is getting even more excited. Since Angie's the least impressed, Trudy decides to make the awkwardness even worse.
She humps her.
With a strap on.
After this escapade, Trudy earned herself a platinum medal in the Awkwardland hall of fame. I challenge you to share a story that even comes close to this level of awkward entertainment.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Adventures in Awkwardland, Episode 1: Half a Sandwich
Everyone has a friend who is helplessly awkward. You know the one. Stands in the corner during parties and pets the cat, makes grunting noises while eating pizza, or tries to become the center of attention by hurling themselves into bookcases. If you can't identify this person in your friend circle, it's probably you.
But never fear.
There is someone out there who is more awkward than you are.
During my first adventure to Awkwardland, my guide was a young woman named Aimee. Aimee had a friend who we will call... "Half a Sandwich."
As the story goes, Half a Sandwich is extremely socially awkward. She has a history of creeping people out before even meeting them. Since even awkward people need to learn social skills, Half a Sandwich's roommate suggested she join a Chess Club that meets once a week on Saturday mornings. Half a Sandwich agreed, and even met a cute guy! After a few weeks of driving her home, this cute guy starts dropping hints that he'd like to see Half a Sandwich outside of Chess Club, but she's too shy to pick up on them. She explains the situation to Aimee who offers advice. Maybe try asking if he wants to stop for a cup of coffee, maybe lunch, grab a bite to eat, etc. Half a sandwich seems a little more confident about how to talk to the boy, and when Saturday rolls around, she puts on her best skirt and brushes her hair for the first time that week. Three hours later, she walks back into the house looking puzzled. Apparently on the way home the guy started hinting he was feeling hungry. Our awkward heroine replied: "Well... I have half a sandwich back at my place if you want it." *silence*
[For anyone who doesn't understand why cute boy was so creeped out by this, traditionally asking someone up to your apartment for "coffee" means "lets have sex." So for Half a Sandwich to say "come up to my apartment for half a sandwich," who knows what would have gone down.]
Cute boy predictably yet politely refused Half a Sandwich's half a sandwich. He still drove her home from Chess Club every Saturday, but he no longer dropped hints about hanging out.
About six weeks later, Half a Sandwich's roommate was walking down the street when Cute boy dropped Half a Sandwich off at their apartment. She watched his car drive to the end of the block, pull a U-turn, and park in front of a house four or five rows down. Half a Sandwich had no idea that Cute boy lived so close, and it was evident that he had no intention of letting her in on his secret.
And so, ladies and gentlemen, I entreat you to learn from Half a Sandwich. Curb your awkwardness. Never invite a stranger into your house to share leftovers on the first date.
But never fear.
There is someone out there who is more awkward than you are.
During my first adventure to Awkwardland, my guide was a young woman named Aimee. Aimee had a friend who we will call... "Half a Sandwich."
As the story goes, Half a Sandwich is extremely socially awkward. She has a history of creeping people out before even meeting them. Since even awkward people need to learn social skills, Half a Sandwich's roommate suggested she join a Chess Club that meets once a week on Saturday mornings. Half a Sandwich agreed, and even met a cute guy! After a few weeks of driving her home, this cute guy starts dropping hints that he'd like to see Half a Sandwich outside of Chess Club, but she's too shy to pick up on them. She explains the situation to Aimee who offers advice. Maybe try asking if he wants to stop for a cup of coffee, maybe lunch, grab a bite to eat, etc. Half a sandwich seems a little more confident about how to talk to the boy, and when Saturday rolls around, she puts on her best skirt and brushes her hair for the first time that week. Three hours later, she walks back into the house looking puzzled. Apparently on the way home the guy started hinting he was feeling hungry. Our awkward heroine replied: "Well... I have half a sandwich back at my place if you want it." *silence*
[For anyone who doesn't understand why cute boy was so creeped out by this, traditionally asking someone up to your apartment for "coffee" means "lets have sex." So for Half a Sandwich to say "come up to my apartment for half a sandwich," who knows what would have gone down.]
Cute boy predictably yet politely refused Half a Sandwich's half a sandwich. He still drove her home from Chess Club every Saturday, but he no longer dropped hints about hanging out.
About six weeks later, Half a Sandwich's roommate was walking down the street when Cute boy dropped Half a Sandwich off at their apartment. She watched his car drive to the end of the block, pull a U-turn, and park in front of a house four or five rows down. Half a Sandwich had no idea that Cute boy lived so close, and it was evident that he had no intention of letting her in on his secret.
And so, ladies and gentlemen, I entreat you to learn from Half a Sandwich. Curb your awkwardness. Never invite a stranger into your house to share leftovers on the first date.
Monday, December 20, 2010
TRON and TRON: Legacy-- Reflections
When I watched Steven Lisberger's sci-fi adventure recently in preparation for the release of its belated sequel, it appeared incredibly dated, with the visual effects now looking very creaky, and the lack of a strong storyline or characters making for a dull viewing experience. However, the film still possesses one memorable sequence, the light-cycle race, and at the very least, its then-groundbreaking attempt to engage with the newfangled world of computers has the feel of filmmakers trying to give their audience something new. Plot sequences and characters were briefly introduced and promptly forgotten, a theme that continued to the sequel (i.e. Bit, gladiator games, and the only woman in the film kissed two men within 5 minutes). TRON is not a good film, but it was a bold one with fresh ideas and a unique style, and that alone is enough to set the bar at a level that TRON: Legacy doesn't come close to reaching.
Almost everything that exists in TRON: Legacy has been lifted from another film, and the filmmakers appear to be gambling everything on their shiny presentation being enough to paper over the cracks. It isn't enough to make the film stand out, however director Joseph Kosinski does have one fairly brilliant idea up his sleeve, with the opening "real world" sequences of TRON: Legacy being shot in 2D before 3D is introduced as we move into the computer world. I guess this is the 21st century update on the way color was used in films like The Wizard of Oz.
I went to this film with my best friend Addam, one of few diehard TRON supporters. I think he knew the movie would be made before the writers did. We even had matching light disks to clash horribly with our 3D glasses. As such, our excitement levels were at peak capacity when we walked into the shadiest theater this side of Reading with about 20 other viewers. Apparently no one told this town it was opening night. Throughout the film, we found enough amusement in our side conversations to cover for whatever was lacking in plot or dialogue. It was, in essence, our own personalized Mystery Science Theater 3000 viewing party. If the movie was bad, we were having too much fun to notice. In fact my largest complaint was that there was still no sign of the orange that was sent to the grid during the opening sequences of the original. And I still want a light-cycle.
But how could a movie even come close to "bad" when Daft Punk composed the soundtrack? I'm convinced they even made an appearance in the movie, though this is up for debate. It was certainly an upgrade from the digitalized soundtrack of the original. In my opinion, can't go wrong with digitechno.
When making the decision to see TRON: Legacy... don't listen to me. Decide for yourselves, but take someone with a sense of humor. And for god's sake, pay the extra three bucks to see the fucking thing in 3D!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Do not stand at the graves and weep.
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.
Source of the Poem: derived from a sermon written by Henry Scott Holland and delivered in St. Paul's (London) on 15 May 1910, at which time the body of King Edward VII was lying in state at Westminster. Although not originally derived from Irish writings, versions of this sermon have been used at many Irish and Catholic funerals over the years.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.
Source of the Poem: derived from a sermon written by Henry Scott Holland and delivered in St. Paul's (London) on 15 May 1910, at which time the body of King Edward VII was lying in state at Westminster. Although not originally derived from Irish writings, versions of this sermon have been used at many Irish and Catholic funerals over the years.
Source of the Picture: Founded in the fifth century by St Buite, the monastery at Monasterboice (Irish: Mainistir Bhuithe) is more famous for its tall crosses than the round tower, which stands at about 28 metres tall and dates to the tenth century.]
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Midsentence
I've been procrastinating again. I'm testing out a new sugar cookie recipe this weekend, so hopefully I will have the results to share with you next week. However since I've been writing history papers for the past three days, I needed some me time. Indulge me.
25. I want to feel like there is something special about me; like I'm different in a more than mundane way. Superpowers would be perfect here.
24. I temper every action by worrying about the consequences. Most of the time it doesn't keep me from doing something dumb so much as it keeps me from doing anything at all.
23. My favorite color is green, yet almost everything I own is red.
22. If I was rich or if number 24 wasn't true, I would major in ancient history and write books for a living.
21. I still regret things I said to certain people, some of whom probably don't even remember my name. What I regret more are all the things I never said.
20. I'd rather waste my life waiting for something better to happen then try to find it on my own.
19. I've been trying, but the truth is that I'm still awkward around people, even my best friends.
18. My favorite part of each day is making the people around me laugh.
17. I love marshmallows. They are my favorites.
16. Star Wars: Episode IV,V, and VI changed my life; I don't care how nerdy it sounds, those movies and the books that went with them is a part of who I became.
15. I am an insomniac. I can't stop daydreaming long enough to have a real dream.
14. I miss my friends and wish I had spent more time with them instead of hiding in my apartment.
13. I didn't think I'd miss school until I became a senior. It happened for high school and it's happening again for college.
12. My friends are great, they're the best people I know. Still, I keep myself distant from them so they won't see me for what a dork I really am.
11. I'm not as depressed as this makes me sound.
10. I always wanted to be in a band but I never wanted to do any of the work. Hopefully the Jazzberries pulls through.
9. I lack motivation. Not "I'm lazy." I legitimately fight with myself each morning to see if I can convince myself its not worth it to even get up. I'm afraid that I'm closer to believing that each day.
8. I hate lying alone. I long for someone I can stand to be close to.
7. I took this note seriously even though its a great chance for an easy laugh. I guess I hope I'll figure something out by doing this.
6. When I talk about myself too much, I automatically apologize and change the topic of conversation. Usually I get reprimanded for apologizing since I only talked about myself for about 30 seconds.
5. I love to read. I can read whole books in a single day, up to around 8-900 pages. I frequently do this because I have nothing else to do.
4. I don't know that fighting solves anything but that wouldn't stop me from taking a swing at a few select guys and chicks. I've been a jerk many times in my life but if I ever thought I was like one of them I think I'd kill myself in a mixture of shame and self-loathing.
3. One of the few things I'm good at is reading and understanding what people are going through. It might let me make connections and go far in life if I could bring myself to find the right response.
2. A text message or notification is usually the most exciting part of my night.
1. I didn't mean to write a whole page about how my life is a sham and that there are only a few people I can bring myself even close to being honest with, maybe just one I can be completely honest with. I didn't want it to sound like I can't trust my friends, I know that I can. But, then again, you don't-
25. I want to feel like there is something special about me; like I'm different in a more than mundane way. Superpowers would be perfect here.
24. I temper every action by worrying about the consequences. Most of the time it doesn't keep me from doing something dumb so much as it keeps me from doing anything at all.
23. My favorite color is green, yet almost everything I own is red.
22. If I was rich or if number 24 wasn't true, I would major in ancient history and write books for a living.
21. I still regret things I said to certain people, some of whom probably don't even remember my name. What I regret more are all the things I never said.
20. I'd rather waste my life waiting for something better to happen then try to find it on my own.
19. I've been trying, but the truth is that I'm still awkward around people, even my best friends.
18. My favorite part of each day is making the people around me laugh.
17. I love marshmallows. They are my favorites.
16. Star Wars: Episode IV,V, and VI changed my life; I don't care how nerdy it sounds, those movies and the books that went with them is a part of who I became.
15. I am an insomniac. I can't stop daydreaming long enough to have a real dream.
14. I miss my friends and wish I had spent more time with them instead of hiding in my apartment.
13. I didn't think I'd miss school until I became a senior. It happened for high school and it's happening again for college.
12. My friends are great, they're the best people I know. Still, I keep myself distant from them so they won't see me for what a dork I really am.
11. I'm not as depressed as this makes me sound.
10. I always wanted to be in a band but I never wanted to do any of the work. Hopefully the Jazzberries pulls through.
9. I lack motivation. Not "I'm lazy." I legitimately fight with myself each morning to see if I can convince myself its not worth it to even get up. I'm afraid that I'm closer to believing that each day.
8. I hate lying alone. I long for someone I can stand to be close to.
7. I took this note seriously even though its a great chance for an easy laugh. I guess I hope I'll figure something out by doing this.
6. When I talk about myself too much, I automatically apologize and change the topic of conversation. Usually I get reprimanded for apologizing since I only talked about myself for about 30 seconds.
5. I love to read. I can read whole books in a single day, up to around 8-900 pages. I frequently do this because I have nothing else to do.
4. I don't know that fighting solves anything but that wouldn't stop me from taking a swing at a few select guys and chicks. I've been a jerk many times in my life but if I ever thought I was like one of them I think I'd kill myself in a mixture of shame and self-loathing.
3. One of the few things I'm good at is reading and understanding what people are going through. It might let me make connections and go far in life if I could bring myself to find the right response.
2. A text message or notification is usually the most exciting part of my night.
1. I didn't mean to write a whole page about how my life is a sham and that there are only a few people I can bring myself even close to being honest with, maybe just one I can be completely honest with. I didn't want it to sound like I can't trust my friends, I know that I can. But, then again, you don't-
Friday, November 12, 2010
Guinness and Bailey’s Irish Cream Cupcakes
Yield: 24 cupcakes
Ingredients:
For the Guinness chocolate cupcakes:
1 cup stout (Guinness)
16 tbsp. unsalted butter
¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups sugar
1½ tsp. baking soda
¾ tsp. salt
2 large eggs
2/3 cup sour cream
For the Bailey’s ganache filling:
8 oz. bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
2/3 cup heavy cream
2 tbsp. butter, at room temperature
2 tsp. Bailey’s Irish cream
For the Bailey’s buttercream frosting:
8 tbsp. unsalted butter, at room temperature
3-4 cups confectioners’ sugar, sifted
4-8 tbsp. Bailey’s Irish cream
Directions:
To make the cupcakes, preheat the oven to 350° F. Line two cupcake pans with paper liners. Combine the stout and butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the cocoa powder and whisk until smooth. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly.
In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat together the eggs and sour cream to blend. Add the stout-butter mixture and beat just to combine. Mix in the dry ingredients on low speed just until incorporated. Divide the batter evenly between the cupcake liners, filling them about 2/3 to ¾ full. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 17 minutes. Allow to cool in the pan for 5-10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the ganache filling, place the chocolate in a heatproof bowl. Heat the cream in a small saucepan until simmering, then pour it over the chocolate. Let sit for one minute and then whisk until smooth. If the chocolate is not completely melted, place the bowl over a double boiler or give it a very short burst in the microwave (15-20 seconds). Add the butter and Bailey’s and stir until combined.
Set aside to let the ganache cool until it is thick enough to be piped. (You can use the refrigerator to speed the cooling process, but be sure to stir every 10 minutes or so to ensure even cooling.) Meanwhile, cut out a portion from the center of the cupcake using the cone method (a small paring knife works best for this). Once the ganache has reached the correct consistency, transfer it to a piping bag fitted with a wide tip and pipe it into the cupcakes.
To make the frosting, place the butter in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Beat on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 2-3 minutes. Gradually add the powdered sugar until it is all incorporated. Mix in the Bailey’s until smooth. Add more if necessary until the frosting has reached a good consistency for piping or spreading. Frost the cupcakes as desired.
Ingredients:
For the Guinness chocolate cupcakes:
1 cup stout (Guinness)
16 tbsp. unsalted butter
¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups sugar
1½ tsp. baking soda
¾ tsp. salt
2 large eggs
2/3 cup sour cream
For the Bailey’s ganache filling:
8 oz. bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
2/3 cup heavy cream
2 tbsp. butter, at room temperature
2 tsp. Bailey’s Irish cream
For the Bailey’s buttercream frosting:
8 tbsp. unsalted butter, at room temperature
3-4 cups confectioners’ sugar, sifted
4-8 tbsp. Bailey’s Irish cream
Directions:
To make the cupcakes, preheat the oven to 350° F. Line two cupcake pans with paper liners. Combine the stout and butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the cocoa powder and whisk until smooth. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly.
In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat together the eggs and sour cream to blend. Add the stout-butter mixture and beat just to combine. Mix in the dry ingredients on low speed just until incorporated. Divide the batter evenly between the cupcake liners, filling them about 2/3 to ¾ full. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 17 minutes. Allow to cool in the pan for 5-10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the ganache filling, place the chocolate in a heatproof bowl. Heat the cream in a small saucepan until simmering, then pour it over the chocolate. Let sit for one minute and then whisk until smooth. If the chocolate is not completely melted, place the bowl over a double boiler or give it a very short burst in the microwave (15-20 seconds). Add the butter and Bailey’s and stir until combined.
Set aside to let the ganache cool until it is thick enough to be piped. (You can use the refrigerator to speed the cooling process, but be sure to stir every 10 minutes or so to ensure even cooling.) Meanwhile, cut out a portion from the center of the cupcake using the cone method (a small paring knife works best for this). Once the ganache has reached the correct consistency, transfer it to a piping bag fitted with a wide tip and pipe it into the cupcakes.
To make the frosting, place the butter in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Beat on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 2-3 minutes. Gradually add the powdered sugar until it is all incorporated. Mix in the Bailey’s until smooth. Add more if necessary until the frosting has reached a good consistency for piping or spreading. Frost the cupcakes as desired.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Apple Cider Cupcakes with spiked buttercream icing
Apple Cider Cupcakes
7 tablespoons butter, room temperature
¾ cup light brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
1¼ cups flour
1 cup apple cider
Make the cupcakes:
Heat an oven to 350° F.
In the bowl of a standing mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugar on medium speed until it is light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Add the egg, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, and mix well to combine, about 1 minute.
Add the flour in 3 batches and the cider in 2 batches, alternating between the two and starting and ending with the flour.
Pour the batter into lined muffin pans; fill the cups about ¾ full. Bake for 20-22 minutes; a toothpick should come out clean. Let the cupcakes cool completely before frosting.
Apple Cider Rum Buttercream Icing
1/2 cup butter
2 teaspoons dark rum
1/2 pound confectioner’s sugar (about 2 cups)
2-4 tablespoons apple cider (or enough to achieve spreadable consistency).
Cream butter with electric standing mixer. Add rum. Add sugar gradually, about 1/2 cup at a time, letting each addition combine with butter before adding more. Scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl between additions. When all of the sugar has been added, the icing will be quite dry. Drizzle in apple cider until icing achieves a spreadable consistency. If you accidentally add too much cider, you can save the icing by adding more sugar to counteract the liquid. The icing will taste only vaguely of apples. If you want more apple flavor, substitute cider for all or part of the rum.
7 tablespoons butter, room temperature
¾ cup light brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
1¼ cups flour
1 cup apple cider
Make the cupcakes:
Heat an oven to 350° F.
In the bowl of a standing mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugar on medium speed until it is light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Add the egg, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, and mix well to combine, about 1 minute.
Add the flour in 3 batches and the cider in 2 batches, alternating between the two and starting and ending with the flour.
Pour the batter into lined muffin pans; fill the cups about ¾ full. Bake for 20-22 minutes; a toothpick should come out clean. Let the cupcakes cool completely before frosting.
Apple Cider Rum Buttercream Icing
1/2 cup butter
2 teaspoons dark rum
1/2 pound confectioner’s sugar (about 2 cups)
2-4 tablespoons apple cider (or enough to achieve spreadable consistency).
Cream butter with electric standing mixer. Add rum. Add sugar gradually, about 1/2 cup at a time, letting each addition combine with butter before adding more. Scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl between additions. When all of the sugar has been added, the icing will be quite dry. Drizzle in apple cider until icing achieves a spreadable consistency. If you accidentally add too much cider, you can save the icing by adding more sugar to counteract the liquid. The icing will taste only vaguely of apples. If you want more apple flavor, substitute cider for all or part of the rum.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Legacy of Alfred the Great
When Alfred the Great ascended the throne of Wessex in 871, the old kingdoms of Anglo-Saxon England were on the brink of collapse. The Viking invaders had conquered one by one the crowns of Northumbria, East Anglia, and Mercia. Only Wessex survived, and pressure was mounting. His father and brothers, the rulers before him, did their best to hold back the invading forces and to hold the kingdom together. Despite growing up as the youngest son of King Æthelwulf of Wessex in this troubled time, Alfred became a seasoned warrior, a scholar, a poet, a law maker, and a loyal Christian. During his own rule, he strove to imitate the kings of the past who, as he described, “succeeded both in warfare and in wisdom.”
The Danish crisis of the late 9th century was a serious one, and led to the extinction of every Anglo-Saxon kingdom except Wessex. No longer satisfied with raiding, Danish hosts were remaining on English soil and other Anglo-Saxon kingdoms were losing their independence. The Danes were able to go where they wished, raiding royal and ecclesiastical centers, and demanding hefty payments as ransom. They relied on speed, swift movement by water or by horse, raiding and retreating to their established strongholds, or taking over new bases. Every year from 867 to 879 the Anglo Saxon Chronicle records that the Danes moved from one royal estate to another and by 880 were beginning to settle down and cultivate land.
Alfred was an unlikely choice for king. He was the youngest of the four sons of King Æthelwulf, and not even mentioned during the reigns of his two eldest brothers. Only when Æthelred, his closest brother, succeeded the throne was he thrown into the dim political spotlight of the 9th century. Æthelred named Alfred the “heir-apparent,” and the two brothers commanded their military forces together against the Danish invaders in 871, winning a crucial battle at Ashmore. As the story goes, the English Christians fought the Viking invaders for more than two weeks in this area. Alfred and his men reached the battlefield before his brother, King Æthelred, and was organized better for it. Æthelred, meanwhile, was still in his tent. He would not leave until the priest finished his Mass. Alfred could not hold off the Viking army long enough to wait for Æthelred, and deployed all his Christian forces against the hostile invaders without the help of his brother. The English forces were at a disadvantage, defending themselves as the Vikings pushed from the higher position, but withstood the attacks until they were able to ultimately win the battle.
Around the year 885, Alfred recruited a Welsh monk named Asser for his court of learning and educational reforms. After an illness, Asser joined Alfred’s court and wrote a biography of his patron which became the main source of information known about King Alfred. The only known manuscript survived until 1731 when it was burned in an accidental fire at the Cotton Library.
While serving the King, Asser grew to know Alfred, to respect him and to guide him along the path of learning. "The just man builds on a modest foundation and gradually proceeds to greater things." Asser cites this quote while describing King Alfred's method of learning. The source of this quotation is unknown but likely originated with Alfred himself. Asser also describes an occasion in which Alfred had been listening as Asser read aloud a few passages from a book, since Alfred himself had not yet learned to read. Alfred asked Asser to copy the passage into a little book of quotations, which appeared so full that Asser recommended the king begin a second source for his excerpts. It is worth noting that the king himself did not copy the quotation, but requested Asser to do so, hinting that the king had not yet learned to write either. This “little book” compiled the king’s favorite Biblical passages such as prayers and psalms as well as other extracts in a handbook known as the Dicta of King Alfred. Unfortunately, the handbook itself did not survive to the present. Asser notes that after he had copied the selected passages into the King’s book, Alfred was “eager to read it at once, and to translate it into English, and thereupon to instruct many others […].”
In the year 887, Asser reports in his biography that Alfred was divinely inspired to read in Latin. For such a pious king, being able to read Latin would have enhanced his understanding of religious works and his ability to instruct others. A very small percentage of scribes and monks were educated, thanks to the Danish raids. The raiders destroyed monasteries, the centers of learning, burning manuscripts and the precious vellum on which they were written. Alfred introduces his works with a statement regarding the importance of literature, a hobby that lost most of its followers before he was born. “Therefore it seems better to me, if it seems so to you, that we too should turn it into the language that we can all understand certain books which are the most necessary for all men to know.” Pastoral Care itself gives an account of the decay of learning in Britain, and presents the king’s determination to reform the schools of Wessex. It also expresses Alfred’s effort to convince the bishops that they must lead the people to learning by following the footsteps of their forefathers. The best way to lead the people would be in their own language. Pastoral Care is widely recognized as Alfred's most important contribution to English Literature.
Another translation often accredited to King Alfred is the Ecclesiastical History of the English People written by the Venerable Bede. Bede’s history, in Alfred’s day, was treated as a standard history of the early English church; it was a recognized classic. One of its central ideas was that from the Church comes worldly prosperity. Alfred may have been particularly drawn to this piece of work because it provided the English, as a whole, with a sense of their common past. This would have provided a sense of comfort during the troubled times. In his Homily on St. Gregory, Aelfric, the abbot and scholar, refers to the Historia Anglorum, “which Alfred translated out of Latin into English.” There is further evidence of this in the manuscript itself. On the first page is written, “Historicus quondam fecit me Beda latinum, Alfred rex Saxo transtulit ille pius” which roughly translates to “the history which was written by Bede in Latin, translated by Alfred, the pious King of the Saxons.” Within the text, however, I have found certain Mercian characteristics, which call into question whether the translator was Alfred, dictating to a Mercian scribe, or whether it was translated by a Mercian on Alfred’s request. In fact, some of these stylistic and vocabulary differences have caused scholars to reject some manuscripts, like this one, as Alfred's own translations.
Aside from revitalizing education in West Saxon England, Alfred lived a well rounded life. He attended mass regularly, donated alms charitably, and showed kindness to all men, from his native population and to foreign visitors. With his extensive knowledge of literature, Alfred ruled wisely and with a sense of justice. He established the truth always during judicial hearings, especially with cases concerning those less fortunate, for whom he took special care to provide with a fair decision. His writings constantly reveal his aspirations after truth, and there is a definitively religious tone. Unfortunately, the Old English literary tradition faded until the Renaissance revitalized interest in the past. Alfred writes in the translation of Boethius’ Consolation of Philosophy, “I have wished to live worthily while I lived, and to leave to those who should come after me my memory in good deeds.”
During his reign, Alfred found learning dead and he restored it, education neglected and he revived it, the laws powerless and he gave them force, the church debased and he raised it, the land ravaged by a fearful enemy from which he delivered it. Alfred’s name shall live as long as mankind shall respect the past. As a king, Alfred defeated his enemy, defended the wisdom of his people, and laid the foundations of the English nation. When he died, Wessex was secure, and his descendants would spread his style of government until they could call themselves Kings of England. If reputation is a measure of success, then Alfred truly deserves to be known as “Alfred the Great.”
Simon Keynes and Michael Lapidge, Alfred the Great: Asser's Life of King Alfred and Other Contemporary Sources [London: Penguin USA, 1995], 79.
Joel T. Rosenthal, "Bede's Ecclesiastical History and the Material Conditions of Anglo-Saxon Life," The Journal of British Studies 19.1 (1979): 3-7.
Judith Bennett and C. Warren Hollister, Medieval Europe: A Short History [New York City: McGraw-Hill Humanities/Social Sciences/Languages, 2005], 103.
Benjamin R. Merkle, The White Horse King: The Life of Alfred the Great [Waco, TX: Thomas Nelson, 2009], 61.
A. W. Ward and A. R. Waller, “Alfred and the Old English Prose of his Reign,” The Cambridge History of English and American Literature [New York: G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2000]. www.bartleby.com/cambridge/ [Accessed December 1, 2009]
The Danish crisis of the late 9th century was a serious one, and led to the extinction of every Anglo-Saxon kingdom except Wessex. No longer satisfied with raiding, Danish hosts were remaining on English soil and other Anglo-Saxon kingdoms were losing their independence. The Danes were able to go where they wished, raiding royal and ecclesiastical centers, and demanding hefty payments as ransom. They relied on speed, swift movement by water or by horse, raiding and retreating to their established strongholds, or taking over new bases. Every year from 867 to 879 the Anglo Saxon Chronicle records that the Danes moved from one royal estate to another and by 880 were beginning to settle down and cultivate land.
Alfred was an unlikely choice for king. He was the youngest of the four sons of King Æthelwulf, and not even mentioned during the reigns of his two eldest brothers. Only when Æthelred, his closest brother, succeeded the throne was he thrown into the dim political spotlight of the 9th century. Æthelred named Alfred the “heir-apparent,” and the two brothers commanded their military forces together against the Danish invaders in 871, winning a crucial battle at Ashmore. As the story goes, the English Christians fought the Viking invaders for more than two weeks in this area. Alfred and his men reached the battlefield before his brother, King Æthelred, and was organized better for it. Æthelred, meanwhile, was still in his tent. He would not leave until the priest finished his Mass. Alfred could not hold off the Viking army long enough to wait for Æthelred, and deployed all his Christian forces against the hostile invaders without the help of his brother. The English forces were at a disadvantage, defending themselves as the Vikings pushed from the higher position, but withstood the attacks until they were able to ultimately win the battle.
Around the year 885, Alfred recruited a Welsh monk named Asser for his court of learning and educational reforms. After an illness, Asser joined Alfred’s court and wrote a biography of his patron which became the main source of information known about King Alfred. The only known manuscript survived until 1731 when it was burned in an accidental fire at the Cotton Library.
While serving the King, Asser grew to know Alfred, to respect him and to guide him along the path of learning. "The just man builds on a modest foundation and gradually proceeds to greater things." Asser cites this quote while describing King Alfred's method of learning. The source of this quotation is unknown but likely originated with Alfred himself. Asser also describes an occasion in which Alfred had been listening as Asser read aloud a few passages from a book, since Alfred himself had not yet learned to read. Alfred asked Asser to copy the passage into a little book of quotations, which appeared so full that Asser recommended the king begin a second source for his excerpts. It is worth noting that the king himself did not copy the quotation, but requested Asser to do so, hinting that the king had not yet learned to write either. This “little book” compiled the king’s favorite Biblical passages such as prayers and psalms as well as other extracts in a handbook known as the Dicta of King Alfred. Unfortunately, the handbook itself did not survive to the present. Asser notes that after he had copied the selected passages into the King’s book, Alfred was “eager to read it at once, and to translate it into English, and thereupon to instruct many others […].”
In the year 887, Asser reports in his biography that Alfred was divinely inspired to read in Latin. For such a pious king, being able to read Latin would have enhanced his understanding of religious works and his ability to instruct others. A very small percentage of scribes and monks were educated, thanks to the Danish raids. The raiders destroyed monasteries, the centers of learning, burning manuscripts and the precious vellum on which they were written. Alfred introduces his works with a statement regarding the importance of literature, a hobby that lost most of its followers before he was born. “Therefore it seems better to me, if it seems so to you, that we too should turn it into the language that we can all understand certain books which are the most necessary for all men to know.” Pastoral Care itself gives an account of the decay of learning in Britain, and presents the king’s determination to reform the schools of Wessex. It also expresses Alfred’s effort to convince the bishops that they must lead the people to learning by following the footsteps of their forefathers. The best way to lead the people would be in their own language. Pastoral Care is widely recognized as Alfred's most important contribution to English Literature.
Another translation often accredited to King Alfred is the Ecclesiastical History of the English People written by the Venerable Bede. Bede’s history, in Alfred’s day, was treated as a standard history of the early English church; it was a recognized classic. One of its central ideas was that from the Church comes worldly prosperity. Alfred may have been particularly drawn to this piece of work because it provided the English, as a whole, with a sense of their common past. This would have provided a sense of comfort during the troubled times. In his Homily on St. Gregory, Aelfric, the abbot and scholar, refers to the Historia Anglorum, “which Alfred translated out of Latin into English.” There is further evidence of this in the manuscript itself. On the first page is written, “Historicus quondam fecit me Beda latinum, Alfred rex Saxo transtulit ille pius” which roughly translates to “the history which was written by Bede in Latin, translated by Alfred, the pious King of the Saxons.” Within the text, however, I have found certain Mercian characteristics, which call into question whether the translator was Alfred, dictating to a Mercian scribe, or whether it was translated by a Mercian on Alfred’s request. In fact, some of these stylistic and vocabulary differences have caused scholars to reject some manuscripts, like this one, as Alfred's own translations.
Aside from revitalizing education in West Saxon England, Alfred lived a well rounded life. He attended mass regularly, donated alms charitably, and showed kindness to all men, from his native population and to foreign visitors. With his extensive knowledge of literature, Alfred ruled wisely and with a sense of justice. He established the truth always during judicial hearings, especially with cases concerning those less fortunate, for whom he took special care to provide with a fair decision. His writings constantly reveal his aspirations after truth, and there is a definitively religious tone. Unfortunately, the Old English literary tradition faded until the Renaissance revitalized interest in the past. Alfred writes in the translation of Boethius’ Consolation of Philosophy, “I have wished to live worthily while I lived, and to leave to those who should come after me my memory in good deeds.”
During his reign, Alfred found learning dead and he restored it, education neglected and he revived it, the laws powerless and he gave them force, the church debased and he raised it, the land ravaged by a fearful enemy from which he delivered it. Alfred’s name shall live as long as mankind shall respect the past. As a king, Alfred defeated his enemy, defended the wisdom of his people, and laid the foundations of the English nation. When he died, Wessex was secure, and his descendants would spread his style of government until they could call themselves Kings of England. If reputation is a measure of success, then Alfred truly deserves to be known as “Alfred the Great.”
Simon Keynes and Michael Lapidge, Alfred the Great: Asser's Life of King Alfred and Other Contemporary Sources [London: Penguin USA, 1995], 79.
Joel T. Rosenthal, "Bede's Ecclesiastical History and the Material Conditions of Anglo-Saxon Life," The Journal of British Studies 19.1 (1979): 3-7.
Judith Bennett and C. Warren Hollister, Medieval Europe: A Short History [New York City: McGraw-Hill Humanities/Social Sciences/Languages, 2005], 103.
Benjamin R. Merkle, The White Horse King: The Life of Alfred the Great [Waco, TX: Thomas Nelson, 2009], 61.
A. W. Ward and A. R. Waller, “Alfred and the Old English Prose of his Reign,” The Cambridge History of English and American Literature [New York: G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2000]. www.bartleby.com/cambridge/ [Accessed December 1, 2009]
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Lemon cupcake with Raspberry swirl Preserves and Lemon Buttercream Frosting
Once I figure out how to ice them so they look pretty, I'll add a picture for you to drool over.
Cupcake Ingredients
Preheat oven to 325 degrees. (Use baking cup in cupcake pan. Beat butter about 30 seconds in large mixing bowl, add add ingredients. Beat on medium speed for about 2 minutes. Pour batter in baking cups 2/3 full. Take pastry bag with a small round tip and pipe raspberry preservative in batter in swirl pattern. Bake for about 20 minutes. Cake is done when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Allow to cool for 15 minutes in pan. Cool completely before frosting.
Frosting
In a large bowl mix butter and shortening with electric mixer til fluffy. Add lemon juice and zest, beat well, gradually add sugar. If the icing is dry after all the sugar has been mixed in , add additional juice and beat until light and fluffy.
Pipe frosting on cupcakes using a pastry bag and garnish with a Raspberry.
Cupcake Ingredients
1 Lemon Supreme cake mix
3 Tablespoons of Lemon Zest
1 1/3 cup of milk
1/2 cup of Butter or Margarine
3 large Eggs
1 tsp. pure lemon extract
1/3 cup seedless Raspberry Preserves
Frosting Ingredients
1/2 cup soft butter
1/2 cup Vegetable Shortening
2 Tbl. Lemon Juice(+ extra if needed)
2 tsp. lemon zest
4 cups Confectioner’s Sugar (sifted)
3 Tablespoons of Lemon Zest
1 1/3 cup of milk
1/2 cup of Butter or Margarine
3 large Eggs
1 tsp. pure lemon extract
1/3 cup seedless Raspberry Preserves
Frosting Ingredients
1/2 cup soft butter
1/2 cup Vegetable Shortening
2 Tbl. Lemon Juice(+ extra if needed)
2 tsp. lemon zest
4 cups Confectioner’s Sugar (sifted)
Preheat oven to 325 degrees. (Use baking cup in cupcake pan. Beat butter about 30 seconds in large mixing bowl, add add ingredients. Beat on medium speed for about 2 minutes. Pour batter in baking cups 2/3 full. Take pastry bag with a small round tip and pipe raspberry preservative in batter in swirl pattern. Bake for about 20 minutes. Cake is done when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Allow to cool for 15 minutes in pan. Cool completely before frosting.
Frosting
In a large bowl mix butter and shortening with electric mixer til fluffy. Add lemon juice and zest, beat well, gradually add sugar. If the icing is dry after all the sugar has been mixed in , add additional juice and beat until light and fluffy.
Pipe frosting on cupcakes using a pastry bag and garnish with a Raspberry.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Tenderness Itself
I just finished reading "Persuasion" by Jane Austen. She is my guilty pleasure. As we do while reading literature of this ilk, I found myself identifying with the heroine of the novel, Miss Anne Elliot, in ways I never imagined. As one of the lesser known Austen novels, Persuasion doesn't get the credit it deserves. This is a true tale of romance pushing the boundaries between what is expected from the privileges of rank and what is practiced.For Miss Anne Elliot, at the age of 19, the course of true love was a mystery. She had fallen in love and been proposed to by a handsome, intelligent gentleman who truly valued the worth of a beautiful woman with a kind heart and sweetness of character. She was persuaded by her close friend and only mother figure to deny her own feelings. The future Captain Wentworth, as enamored of Anne as she was with him, wished to marry her before becoming an officer in the British navy. Looking back on the situation 9 years later, both Anne and Wentworth understand the reasons behind Anne's decision. To wait for years on end for a husband to return from war causes strain and heartbreak on both ends. Their love was deep enough to survive their separation, and after 8 long years trying to forget the other they were reunited by chance and lived happily ever after.
Women like to be crossed in love every once in a while, it gives them something to think about. During the time period, an unmarried woman over the age of 26 had little to no prospect of ever marrying and became a burden to their parents. Anne had 8 years to reflect on the tenderness she experienced around Wentworth and to contemplate on how her life would be altered had she run away with him at the opportune moment. The Elliot family was well off, and either daughter would have made a profitable connection. However, Anne's father was not as fond of her as he enjoyed his younger daughter, and Anne would not be treated with the respect or given the fancy baubles her sister received. As such, she was able to blossom into a delicate, caring, kind hearted young woman, as beautiful on the inside as Wentworth (and the rest of the town) found her on the outside.
Women do not move forward as quickly as men, we are not so easily diverted from our past loves. Anne suffered for years on end alone, throwing herself into her humanitarian works rather than developing the pride that would be the downfall of the Elliots. Meanwhile Wentworth compared the merits of each woman who captured his interest to those of Anne and finally declared none other came close to an equal.
The greatest wish I could ever ask would be for a man to love me as Wentworth loved Anne.
"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight and a half years ago. Dare not say that a man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant."
- Jane Austen, Persuasion, Chapter 23.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Lazy days and art parades
I'm posting this for your benefit, Kongregate readers, because hopefully you'll get more enjoyment out if my sharing than I would get from hiding it away. I drew a picture of a vampire. It's not quite done yet, mostly because my scanner is broken and I'm too lazy to fix that. But maybe some of the myrm peeps will get a kick out of it. Personally, I think he's cute enough to purr.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Peter Frampton and Yes
I took my dad to go see the two iconic figures of the early 70's for his combined Father's day and Birthday present. Best choice I ever could have made. I think I won daughter of the year for this little stunt.
Peter Frampton's set lasted an hour and a half, during which I enjoyed the music but couldn't shake the feeling I was in a particularly jazzy elevator. The guy knows how to play, that's for sure, but it was more about promoting his newest album and his efforts in the gulf than enjoying the experience. Musicians. *shakes head* Can't win them all. On the plus side, his new album is coming out on vinyl!
When Yes came on, the show really began. The light show, the musicians themselves, the crowd, it was a whole 'nother experience.
Steve Howe, an amazing guitarist, had the chance to perform solos from his new album, which I highly recommend. Trippy, intricate, and deliciously dulcet. Information regarding his work can be found here.
Sadly, Jon Anderson wasn't performing this round. The 40th Anniversary tour had been canceled when Jon got sick, and word on the street is that he won't be performing for much longer. When a man of Jon's talent, with 42 years of tours under his belt, decides to take a rest, it's a much deserved retirement. We'll miss him, but Benoit David is not a bad replacement.
The band played classics from 1972, newer songs, crowd favorites, the obligatory "Owner of a Lonely Heart" featured on the game Singstar, and my ultimate favorite came as an encore: Starship Trooper.
Yes- And You and I can be found here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fi-sUOM8io&feature=related
Peter Frampton's set lasted an hour and a half, during which I enjoyed the music but couldn't shake the feeling I was in a particularly jazzy elevator. The guy knows how to play, that's for sure, but it was more about promoting his newest album and his efforts in the gulf than enjoying the experience. Musicians. *shakes head* Can't win them all. On the plus side, his new album is coming out on vinyl!
When Yes came on, the show really began. The light show, the musicians themselves, the crowd, it was a whole 'nother experience.
Steve Howe, an amazing guitarist, had the chance to perform solos from his new album, which I highly recommend. Trippy, intricate, and deliciously dulcet. Information regarding his work can be found here.
Sadly, Jon Anderson wasn't performing this round. The 40th Anniversary tour had been canceled when Jon got sick, and word on the street is that he won't be performing for much longer. When a man of Jon's talent, with 42 years of tours under his belt, decides to take a rest, it's a much deserved retirement. We'll miss him, but Benoit David is not a bad replacement.
The band played classics from 1972, newer songs, crowd favorites, the obligatory "Owner of a Lonely Heart" featured on the game Singstar, and my ultimate favorite came as an encore: Starship Trooper.
Yes- And You and I can be found here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fi-sUOM8io&feature=related
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
What It Is
It was never my intention
To write this down but here we are.
And I would smile whenever your name was mentioned.
We'll look back on our lives in a while.
I'm not the kind of girl who likes to write love songs in disguise,
but here we are. Here we are.
It was never my intention
To keep you mine and mine alone.
You could fly off in any given direction
Wherever you go I’ll call home.
Tuck me away in a corner somewhere and I’ll be content
because there you are, there you are.
There you are, there you are.
And if you say you’re leaving, I don’t wanna know
The only thing I want is to follow where you go
I never could imagine living my life alone
Wherever you may wander, that’s where I may roam
But I was never one to mention how I would fall if you should go
And I would give to you all my love and affection
I would say this now but you already know
And I love how you always recognize my love songs in disguise
So here we are, here we are
Here we are, here we are.
What it is,
This thing called happiness
You and I will find ourselves
What it is,
It doesn’t matter much now anyway
Everyone is dead or sleeping
Except you and I alone.
To write this down but here we are.
And I would smile whenever your name was mentioned.
We'll look back on our lives in a while.
I'm not the kind of girl who likes to write love songs in disguise,
but here we are. Here we are.
It was never my intention
To keep you mine and mine alone.
You could fly off in any given direction
Wherever you go I’ll call home.
Tuck me away in a corner somewhere and I’ll be content
because there you are, there you are.
There you are, there you are.
And if you say you’re leaving, I don’t wanna know
The only thing I want is to follow where you go
I never could imagine living my life alone
Wherever you may wander, that’s where I may roam
But I was never one to mention how I would fall if you should go
And I would give to you all my love and affection
I would say this now but you already know
And I love how you always recognize my love songs in disguise
So here we are, here we are
Here we are, here we are.
What it is,
This thing called happiness
You and I will find ourselves
What it is,
It doesn’t matter much now anyway
Everyone is dead or sleeping
Except you and I alone.
Uncle Skip
The Jazzberries
Half Past Midnight
No longer relevant
The Messenger's Tale
Alice was a lady uncommonly fair,
blood-red ribbons weaved through light hair.
Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,
her eyes clear as light, her lips as a rose.
This maiden's parents had died years before,
Their merchant ship crashed upon the shore.
Alice's uncle saw to her upbringing,
He taught her Latin, writing, and singing.
Alice grew and blossomed in her uncle's love
And was showered with gifts and praise from above
With heaven and hell she was never at odds
For the maiden was pleasing to all of the gods.
One day a knight passing through town
Caught sight of the gem of England's crown
Cupid’s well-aimed arrow pierced their souls.
“Fair maid, marry me, for my heart is yours.”
'Twas not Alice’s beauty alone that struck him
But too, the truth in her eyes, and her grin,
A smile that hinted at mischief and humor
That incited the humble Knight to love her.
Alice, struck by his fair visage and speech
Accepted his proposal as he swept her off her feet.
To her uncle’s house they retired to petition,
For Alice felt they needed his permission.
Now, Alice’s uncle was a fair sort of fellow,
Never cheated at cards, never fought or bellowed.
When he saw the joy in Alice’s eyes,
He wished them happy, prosperous lives.
The Knight’s father also approved the match
but his step-mother's love was harder to catch
a witch of the woods, the queen of hearts,
would not hesitate to rip Alice apart.
The wicked queen magick'd Alice away
Locked in a tower, she slept night and day.
The knight thought to quest for her trembling hand,
He’d cross the unknown to bring her back again.
So bereft with grief, the gods took pity
and sent Alice a dream to keep her company.
A rabbit so white, so brave, pure, and true
who promised “I will bring your love to you.”
And so the rabbit appeared before the Knight
Who found talking animals a bit of a fright.
“Follow me knight, no time will we waste,
To reach your lady we must make haste.
Please hurry, or we’ll be late, milord,
The dark tower is far, in a land unexplored.”
Through forest and mountain, river and lake,
They ran till at last they saw the rusted gate.
‘Lo, a ferocious lion guarded the door,
A man-killing beast, docile nevermore.
He feeds on fear, he feeds on pain,
But Alice’s Knight is strong and brave.
The battle took place round the edge of the tower
While Fairest Alice slept in her bower.
Man and beast, preparing to duel
‘Till the other’s life force congeals in a pool.
They orbit one another, feinting and faking
Looking for weaknesses, intimidating,
Forcing each other into missing a step,
In dizzying circles and maneuvers they crept.
Every muscle was tight on the beast’s shaggy back
The Knight was poised, ready for the attack.
The great cat lunged, the sword was flashing,
Claws sharp as blades, weapons were lashing.
The Knight plunged his blade into the lion’s side
Up to the hilt, the entire sword hides.
In the aftermath, neither foe made a sound.
Two sets of blood now stained the ground.
At last, the wind rustled the lion’s mane
Yet the life had left, the great beast tamed.
The Knight, not far from death, groaned
“Dearest Alice… our reunion must be postponed…”
With Alice struggling alone, would he survive?
To leave her: that sacrifice was much too high.
“By the gods, I am not ready to join the deceased”
And with that oath, his prayers were released.
At this, the white rabbit once more returned
The gods had seen the battle and became concerned
They gave him the power to heal the Knight.
Blessed by the gods, for life and love will he fight.
The Knight rose painlessly, and glanced aside
To see the rabbit sitting contentedly by.
He knew at once something was missing,
‘Twas Alice his lips should be kissing.
After thanking the gods for all they had done,
Our poor lovesick knight took off at a run
He wrestled open the door, dashed up the stairs,
Halted before Alice, head hung in despair.
For Alice was yet slumbering on the wide bed,
“Pale as death” he thought in his head.
Her brow furrowed for a brief heartbeat
As though someone had disturbed her deepest sleep.
The knight regarded his lady fair
And smoothed from her cheek a lock of hair
“Alice, queen of wit and of youth,
My love, awake and see the truth.”
With those words, his head slowly dipped
And pressed a soft kiss ‘pon his lady’s lips.
Her eyelids flickered, her breath inhaled,
And a rose blush graced cheeks so pale.
And when her eyes opened she beheld
The most handsome man her heart ever held.
She kissed him right back, one, two, three,
And what happened next, only gods may see.
-By Sam. Fall 2008. Rediscovered 2010.
The assignment was to write our own entry in the manner of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. This tale was told 3rd, by a messenger on his way to collect a reward for capturing a highwayman. 99%.
blood-red ribbons weaved through light hair.
Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,
her eyes clear as light, her lips as a rose.
This maiden's parents had died years before,
Their merchant ship crashed upon the shore.
Alice's uncle saw to her upbringing,
He taught her Latin, writing, and singing.
Alice grew and blossomed in her uncle's love
And was showered with gifts and praise from above
With heaven and hell she was never at odds
For the maiden was pleasing to all of the gods.
One day a knight passing through town
Caught sight of the gem of England's crown
Cupid’s well-aimed arrow pierced their souls.
“Fair maid, marry me, for my heart is yours.”
'Twas not Alice’s beauty alone that struck him
But too, the truth in her eyes, and her grin,
A smile that hinted at mischief and humor
That incited the humble Knight to love her.
Alice, struck by his fair visage and speech
Accepted his proposal as he swept her off her feet.
To her uncle’s house they retired to petition,
For Alice felt they needed his permission.
Now, Alice’s uncle was a fair sort of fellow,
Never cheated at cards, never fought or bellowed.
When he saw the joy in Alice’s eyes,
He wished them happy, prosperous lives.
The Knight’s father also approved the match
but his step-mother's love was harder to catch
a witch of the woods, the queen of hearts,
would not hesitate to rip Alice apart.
The wicked queen magick'd Alice away
Locked in a tower, she slept night and day.
The knight thought to quest for her trembling hand,
He’d cross the unknown to bring her back again.
So bereft with grief, the gods took pity
and sent Alice a dream to keep her company.
A rabbit so white, so brave, pure, and true
who promised “I will bring your love to you.”
And so the rabbit appeared before the Knight
Who found talking animals a bit of a fright.
“Follow me knight, no time will we waste,
To reach your lady we must make haste.
Please hurry, or we’ll be late, milord,
The dark tower is far, in a land unexplored.”
Through forest and mountain, river and lake,
They ran till at last they saw the rusted gate.
‘Lo, a ferocious lion guarded the door,
A man-killing beast, docile nevermore.
He feeds on fear, he feeds on pain,
But Alice’s Knight is strong and brave.
The battle took place round the edge of the tower
While Fairest Alice slept in her bower.
Man and beast, preparing to duel
‘Till the other’s life force congeals in a pool.
They orbit one another, feinting and faking
Looking for weaknesses, intimidating,
Forcing each other into missing a step,
In dizzying circles and maneuvers they crept.
Every muscle was tight on the beast’s shaggy back
The Knight was poised, ready for the attack.
The great cat lunged, the sword was flashing,
Claws sharp as blades, weapons were lashing.
The Knight plunged his blade into the lion’s side
Up to the hilt, the entire sword hides.
In the aftermath, neither foe made a sound.
Two sets of blood now stained the ground.
At last, the wind rustled the lion’s mane
Yet the life had left, the great beast tamed.
The Knight, not far from death, groaned
“Dearest Alice… our reunion must be postponed…”
With Alice struggling alone, would he survive?
To leave her: that sacrifice was much too high.
“By the gods, I am not ready to join the deceased”
And with that oath, his prayers were released.
At this, the white rabbit once more returned
The gods had seen the battle and became concerned
They gave him the power to heal the Knight.
Blessed by the gods, for life and love will he fight.
The Knight rose painlessly, and glanced aside
To see the rabbit sitting contentedly by.
He knew at once something was missing,
‘Twas Alice his lips should be kissing.
After thanking the gods for all they had done,
Our poor lovesick knight took off at a run
He wrestled open the door, dashed up the stairs,
Halted before Alice, head hung in despair.
For Alice was yet slumbering on the wide bed,
“Pale as death” he thought in his head.
Her brow furrowed for a brief heartbeat
As though someone had disturbed her deepest sleep.
The knight regarded his lady fair
And smoothed from her cheek a lock of hair
“Alice, queen of wit and of youth,
My love, awake and see the truth.”
With those words, his head slowly dipped
And pressed a soft kiss ‘pon his lady’s lips.
Her eyelids flickered, her breath inhaled,
And a rose blush graced cheeks so pale.
And when her eyes opened she beheld
The most handsome man her heart ever held.
She kissed him right back, one, two, three,
And what happened next, only gods may see.
-By Sam. Fall 2008. Rediscovered 2010.
The assignment was to write our own entry in the manner of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. This tale was told 3rd, by a messenger on his way to collect a reward for capturing a highwayman. 99%.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Transformers 3: Tread Cautiously
Michael Bay has done it again. Introducing yet another installment to the live action Transformers industry is risky business. Some naysayers compare the series to Star Wars, while I prefer not to tarnish the pinnacle of geekdom with giant robots.
Potential problems:
The writers, Roberto Orici and Alex Kurtzman, will not be returning for the third script, leaving it instead to their lesser known co-writer from Revenge of the Fallen. Ehren Kruger is taking up the role, a writer who worked on films such as The Ring, The Brothers Grimm, and Blood and Chocolate. Personally, and based on the latter two of those three movies, I trust Ehren to balance action with explanation so that we don't have another version of The Fifth Element on our hands.
Another potential problem arises in the time crunch placed upon both Michael Bay and the writers. Paramount announced July 1, 2011 to be the release date, shocking Bay who intended to take a year-long hiatus from robots until 2012. However, since the script was finished March 19, 2010 and filming began the following April and May, we can assume that any lag in script content will be filled with either sexual tension or shiny cars. Now therein lies the real secret to Hollywood success.
And then we come to the problem of Mikaela. Megan Fox and Michael Bay have been embroiled in a controversial swirl of events that border on the ridiculous and are better left undisclosed. As such, the character Mikaela, a fanboy's wet dream since she fixed Sam's car in the first movie, has been replaced. Audiences might prefer the new love interest: British Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. It is unclear as to whether Rosie will play Mikaela (fairly likely) or a completely new character altogether. Personally, I am a fan of keeping Mikaela around. With Patrick Dempsey cast as her boss, there would be a plot twist in order to give him enough screen time to be worth the role. Plus, having a lasting relationship between Sam and Mikaela is an essential theme of these movies. For heaven's sake, they only JUST got around to the "L" word 80% of the way through the last movie. It would be a pity to trash that romantic build up now.
Since this third movie is predicted to be even bloodier and more violent than the last, I wouldn't be surprised if they killed Mikaela off within the first 2 minutes. But that would be cheap, and I'm sure Michael Bay is above such a low blow.
Personal QuirksI love the twins. Skids and Mudflap were wonderful comedic relief and they were not predicted to appear in this third movie as more than a cameo by two Chevrolets. However, these Black Chevrolet Sparks, very expensive and very zippy autobots, would not be worth the budget for two side characters. Also personally exciting: Josh Duhamel is reprising his role as Captain Lennox, another character fans latch onto from the first and second.
Conclusions:
I have high hopes for this movie. Can't go wrong with giant robots, fast cars, and the Transformers brand. I don't intend to dress in refrigerator boxes and costumes for this one (Too embarassing at the first premere) but I have a bid in for a midnight ticket already. However, I'm bracing myself for the backlash from fans and critics alike. I'd advise you to do the same.
*For the record, I love The Fifth Element. However, every time I see it I get more confused.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sneak a Peak and the Soundtrack of my Life
Recently, I was reading one of the "soundtrack" questionnaires a friend of mine filled out on myspace. Gasp, the horror! Being forced to hit shuffle and trust to fate that your funeral dirge will be properly fitting and that no one will headbang to your wedding entrance. Anyway, I decided to go through my mp3's, CD's, tapes, and vinyls and choose the most meaningful songs.
These are, in essence, the truth about my youth. They have been projected through a less grumpy portal. Yes, I was a grumpy child. I still am, when I haven't had anything to eat all day, but that is a different story altogether.
Songs of Choice to Sing as a Small Child:
"Yesterday" by Paul McCartney/the Beatles
"Itsy Bitsy Spider" by Little Richard (Yes, it really exists!)
"Baby Beluga" by Raffi
Song that Defined My Elementary School Friendships:
"Wannabe" by the Spice Girls
Song that Forever Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations in Men:
"Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton
Song my Friends and I Tried Out With at the Talent Show:
"Tearing up my Heart" by N*Sync (NO SHAME)
First Slow Dance:
"What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts
Yes, it took me until High School to pluck up the courage to even talk to a boy let alone dance with him. I'm still that scared, awkward teenager around the opposite sex.
Slow Dance that Caused Me to Listen to this Song on Repeat For a Week:
"Come Away with Me" by Norah Jones
First Kiss:
"Through the Fire and the Flames" by Dragonforce. A big "uh-oh."
First Kiss That I Wish Was My First Kiss:
"Hooked on a Feeling" by Blue Swede. Interrupting my concentration in the middle of Reservoir Dogs pissed me off, but a good background choice nonetheless.
Future First Kiss:
"You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift. If you can stand that song, chances are I can stand you.
First Song I Used to Dream about Slow Dancing to:
"Here's to the Night" by Eve 6
"Swing Life Away" by Rise Against
First Song That Made Me Bawl Like a Baby:
"Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
First Song that a Guy Truly Ruined:
"One Day" by Genesis.
Recent Song That Reminds Me of Better Days:
"Blue Jeans & White T-Shirts" by The Gaslight Anthem
Song that I would sing Karaoke to:
"American Pie" by Don McLean. But I would sing the Star Wars version.
Song that I Share with my Best Friends:
"Don't Stop (Believin')" by Journey
These are, in essence, the truth about my youth. They have been projected through a less grumpy portal. Yes, I was a grumpy child. I still am, when I haven't had anything to eat all day, but that is a different story altogether.
Songs of Choice to Sing as a Small Child:
"Yesterday" by Paul McCartney/the Beatles
"Itsy Bitsy Spider" by Little Richard (Yes, it really exists!)
"Baby Beluga" by Raffi
Song that Defined My Elementary School Friendships:
"Wannabe" by the Spice Girls
Song that Forever Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations in Men:
"Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton
Song my Friends and I Tried Out With at the Talent Show:
"Tearing up my Heart" by N*Sync (NO SHAME)
First Slow Dance:
"What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts
Yes, it took me until High School to pluck up the courage to even talk to a boy let alone dance with him. I'm still that scared, awkward teenager around the opposite sex.
Slow Dance that Caused Me to Listen to this Song on Repeat For a Week:
"Come Away with Me" by Norah Jones
First Kiss:
"Through the Fire and the Flames" by Dragonforce. A big "uh-oh."
First Kiss That I Wish Was My First Kiss:
"Hooked on a Feeling" by Blue Swede. Interrupting my concentration in the middle of Reservoir Dogs pissed me off, but a good background choice nonetheless.
Future First Kiss:
"You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift. If you can stand that song, chances are I can stand you.
First Song I Used to Dream about Slow Dancing to:
"Here's to the Night" by Eve 6
"Swing Life Away" by Rise Against
First Song That Made Me Bawl Like a Baby:
"Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
First Song that a Guy Truly Ruined:
"One Day" by Genesis.
Recent Song That Reminds Me of Better Days:
"Blue Jeans & White T-Shirts" by The Gaslight Anthem
Song that I would sing Karaoke to:
"American Pie" by Don McLean. But I would sing the Star Wars version.
Song that I Share with my Best Friends:
"Don't Stop (Believin')" by Journey
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Mieux vaut se consacrer aux autres qu'à un nain de jardin!
Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain. If you haven't seen this film, rent it immediately. Only then may you reread this post. (Additional: The Big Bang Theory may have tainted the results.)
Layers of dust on a bookshelf surrounding a particular novel like Custer's last stand. Only a matter of time.
Toothpaste stains in the bottom of the sink.
The little frilly edges of paper, torn out of a notebook, sticking to absolutely everything.
Mascara stains on towels and pillow cases.
The burning smell when melting sugar on crème brûlée.
Steam rising from the toaster ovens.
Ghosts of tape on the walls of an empty room.
The crick in your back after sitting for too long.
The rings around your ankle from the elastic in your socks.
Watching theoretical physicists sit on my chair on the TV.
Cheering when awkward geeks succeed at social interactions.
I like to look for the things that others pretend to ignore. Forgive me if I stare. They remind me that we are, indeed, human. I have flaws, I acknowledge this inevitability. Flaws are what separate the men from the gods.
Heaven knows only too well, we are but mere mortals.
I would rather take care of others than look after a garden gnome.
Layers of dust on a bookshelf surrounding a particular novel like Custer's last stand. Only a matter of time.
Toothpaste stains in the bottom of the sink.
The little frilly edges of paper, torn out of a notebook, sticking to absolutely everything.
Mascara stains on towels and pillow cases.
The burning smell when melting sugar on crème brûlée.
Steam rising from the toaster ovens.
Ghosts of tape on the walls of an empty room.
The crick in your back after sitting for too long.
The rings around your ankle from the elastic in your socks.
Watching theoretical physicists sit on my chair on the TV.
Cheering when awkward geeks succeed at social interactions.
I like to look for the things that others pretend to ignore. Forgive me if I stare. They remind me that we are, indeed, human. I have flaws, I acknowledge this inevitability. Flaws are what separate the men from the gods.
Heaven knows only too well, we are but mere mortals.
I would rather take care of others than look after a garden gnome.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
25 Good because they are bad things
This list is a collection of bad things in life that are so bad, everyone agrees that that it is still a good thing to have around. When compared to the best of their categories, these things are absolute crap. However, for some reason, we like to keep these things around for pure, uninhibited, American fun. Here is "25 good because they are bad things":
1. "Point Break"
2. "We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship
3. Police Academy movies (preferably the ones with Steve Gutenberg)
4. The York Fair (mostly for the stellar selection of music)
5. Pabst Blue Ribbon
6. 1995 Ford Escorts
7. Karaoke bars
8. CBS
9. NFL commentary by John Madden
10. Hootie and the Blowfish
11. New Jersey
12. the Detroit Lions
13. Last Action Hero
14. Bill Clinton
15. Ringback tones
16. CSI: Miami (thank you to David Caruso)
17. "Teen Wolf"
18. Warped Tour
19. American Idol
20. Snow
21. Golf
22. The Electric Factory, Philadelphia, PA (great acts, crappy venue)
23. the Kansas City Royals
24. All horror films
25. Days of Our Lives
1. "Point Break"
2. "We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship
3. Police Academy movies (preferably the ones with Steve Gutenberg)
4. The York Fair (mostly for the stellar selection of music)
5. Pabst Blue Ribbon
6. 1995 Ford Escorts
7. Karaoke bars
8. CBS
9. NFL commentary by John Madden
10. Hootie and the Blowfish
11. New Jersey
12. the Detroit Lions
13. Last Action Hero
14. Bill Clinton
15. Ringback tones
16. CSI: Miami (thank you to David Caruso)
17. "Teen Wolf"
18. Warped Tour
19. American Idol
20. Snow
21. Golf
22. The Electric Factory, Philadelphia, PA (great acts, crappy venue)
23. the Kansas City Royals
24. All horror films
25. Days of Our Lives
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Truth or Fiction
There's always those things that come up in your head and you wonder "is that true?", "could it be true?", or "what if that was true?". Here are 13 things that I think about day to day and I wonder, could this be real, or is this just fantasy. You be the judge:
1. Kiefer Sutherland really is an FBI agent.
2. We didn't land on the moon, we simply landed on Alaska.
3. Tom Cruise is not a martian, Nicole Kidman is (watch "the Hours").
4. Shia Labouf really isn't that cool.
5. Justin Long is cool.
6. Jim Morrison isn't dead.
7. The members of Fall Out Boy can't read.
8. Picket's Charge probably seemed like a good idea at the time.
9. Kanye West sucks.
10. "The Today Show" is all CGI.
11. Jersey City is as great as it sounds.
12. Des Moines is not a real city.
13. Velociraptors are not extinct, they simply migrate east.
1. Kiefer Sutherland really is an FBI agent.
2. We didn't land on the moon, we simply landed on Alaska.
3. Tom Cruise is not a martian, Nicole Kidman is (watch "the Hours").
4. Shia Labouf really isn't that cool.
5. Justin Long is cool.
6. Jim Morrison isn't dead.
7. The members of Fall Out Boy can't read.
8. Picket's Charge probably seemed like a good idea at the time.
9. Kanye West sucks.
10. "The Today Show" is all CGI.
11. Jersey City is as great as it sounds.
12. Des Moines is not a real city.
13. Velociraptors are not extinct, they simply migrate east.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Observations on Marcus Aurelius
Lately, I've been reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (mostly to procrastinate reading textbooks... ick..). I thought the following quotations were fascinating Historical advice for all generations. In fact, if I enjoy this enough, I might just continue to share interesting snippits from other historical figures as well. Or I might add more quotes to this note, or even discuss them later, but for now I just wanted to share.
"Never allow yourself to be swept off your feet: when an impulse stirs, see first that it will meet the claims of justice; when an impression forms, assure yourself first of its certainty."
"Do not copy the opinions of the arrogant, or let them dictate your own, but look at things in their true light."
" Observe how all things are continually being born of change; teach yourself to see that Nature's highest happiness lies in changing the things that are, and forming new things after their kind. Whatever is, is in some sense the seed of what is to emerge from it. Nothing can become a philosopher less than to imagine that seed can only be something that is planted in the earth or the womb."
"Observe carefully what guides the actions of the wise and what they shun or seek."
"Do not waste what remains of your life in speculating about your neighbours, unless with a view to some mutual benefit. To wonder what so-and-so is doing and why, or what he is saying, or thinking, or scheming...means a loss of opportunity for some other task."
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Rules
Got bored, drafted some of my life rules for anyone who gets curious. I don't always follow these closely, but that's what let me know what to strive for in the future. Don't take advice from me, I've got a lot of failing to go before i get it right.
Parties
1. There is nothing wrong with having a social life
Let loose and relax; thats why you have friends.
2. No one-night stands
Impulse has its moments; know when they are
3. Nothing with anyone who’s been drinking
It’s a matter of respect and being able to look at myself in the mirror
4. Look out for your friends
Take care of them if they get sick, have their backs in everything else
5. Drunk or sober, you are accountable for your actions
I’ve already made my peace with everything I may someday have to do
Dating
1. Take it slow
Life’s too long; spend some time enjoying it with someone special
2. They deserve to be treated with respect
If you’re not going to try, don’t waste everyone’s time
3. Don’t get even
Their past mistakes do not justify yours
4. Don’t argue, communicate
Get it all in the open and talk about it
5. Once you’ve made up your mind either way, tell them
Don’t leave them or yourself hanging
Coping
1. Death is only the next adventure
If there isn’t a next life, you’ll never have time to care
2. Perspective is important
Don’t take the blame if it’s not yours; don’t buck it if it is
3. Most fixes are temporary
Don’t waste your life chasing the next moment of oblivion
4. Temper hope, don’t deny it
It might work out; minds might change; second chances happen
5. Some things can’t be fixed
Hope for the best, prepare for the worse; look to friends either way
General
1. Luck exists
Don’t rely on it for anything; luck is fortunate chaos
2. Analyze everything
Temper all of your actions and reactions; worse-cases can happen
3. Find an outlet
You can’t keep it all in or it will tear you down
4. Fate is a lie
It didn’t happen because it was meant to affect your outcomes
5. No Regrets
Make peace with what you’ve done and who you’ve done it to
Parties
1. There is nothing wrong with having a social life
Let loose and relax; thats why you have friends.
2. No one-night stands
Impulse has its moments; know when they are
3. Nothing with anyone who’s been drinking
It’s a matter of respect and being able to look at myself in the mirror
4. Look out for your friends
Take care of them if they get sick, have their backs in everything else
5. Drunk or sober, you are accountable for your actions
I’ve already made my peace with everything I may someday have to do
Dating
1. Take it slow
Life’s too long; spend some time enjoying it with someone special
2. They deserve to be treated with respect
If you’re not going to try, don’t waste everyone’s time
3. Don’t get even
Their past mistakes do not justify yours
4. Don’t argue, communicate
Get it all in the open and talk about it
5. Once you’ve made up your mind either way, tell them
Don’t leave them or yourself hanging
Coping
1. Death is only the next adventure
If there isn’t a next life, you’ll never have time to care
2. Perspective is important
Don’t take the blame if it’s not yours; don’t buck it if it is
3. Most fixes are temporary
Don’t waste your life chasing the next moment of oblivion
4. Temper hope, don’t deny it
It might work out; minds might change; second chances happen
5. Some things can’t be fixed
Hope for the best, prepare for the worse; look to friends either way
General
1. Luck exists
Don’t rely on it for anything; luck is fortunate chaos
2. Analyze everything
Temper all of your actions and reactions; worse-cases can happen
3. Find an outlet
You can’t keep it all in or it will tear you down
4. Fate is a lie
It didn’t happen because it was meant to affect your outcomes
5. No Regrets
Make peace with what you’ve done and who you’ve done it to
Friday, March 12, 2010
25 famous people that could possibly kill someone.
I've been reading all of these "25 random things about me" notes, and that's great. But I feel that if you want to know anything about me, you should just ask. Plus I post things in the bulletins whenever I'm avoiding homework, and with the lack of homework tonight, I can formulate a proper blog entry. So, I've decided to make a list consisting of a subject that might come up in a conversation with me. Kind of gives you an idea of what runs through my head.
I present to you, "25 famous people that could possibly kill someone" (in no particular order):
1. Clint Eastwood
2. Bruce Willis
3. Mark Wahlberg
4. Samuel L. Jackson
5. Bruce Springsteen (honorable mention to E Street saxophonist Clarence Clemmons)
6. Angelina Jolie (suffocation with her lips)
7. Nicholas Cage (only by slow torture)
8. Aaron Neville (anyone with a tattoo on their face can kill someone)
9. Barack Obama
10. Dick Cheney (because he almost did)
11. Barbara Walters (only by interrogation followed by silenced handgun)
12. Bruce Campbell
13. Roger Clemens (98 mph fastball to the temple)
14. Sylvester Stallone circa "Over the Top"
15. Martin Scorsese
16. Steve McQueen
17. Terry Bradshaw (only by drunken bar fight)
18. 50 Cent
19. Kiefer Sutherland
20. Oprah Winfrey (cannibalism)
21. The Doobie Brothers
22. Warren Haynes (by guitar solo)
23. Jack Nicholson
24. Liam Neeson
25. John Popper (he collects weapons already)
Honorable Mentions
Harrison Ford, Russell Crowe (what a temper), Ted Nugent (watch this video for proof)
I present to you, "25 famous people that could possibly kill someone" (in no particular order):
1. Clint Eastwood
2. Bruce Willis
3. Mark Wahlberg
4. Samuel L. Jackson
5. Bruce Springsteen (honorable mention to E Street saxophonist Clarence Clemmons)
6. Angelina Jolie (suffocation with her lips)
7. Nicholas Cage (only by slow torture)
8. Aaron Neville (anyone with a tattoo on their face can kill someone)
9. Barack Obama
10. Dick Cheney (because he almost did)
11. Barbara Walters (only by interrogation followed by silenced handgun)
12. Bruce Campbell
13. Roger Clemens (98 mph fastball to the temple)
14. Sylvester Stallone circa "Over the Top"
15. Martin Scorsese
16. Steve McQueen
17. Terry Bradshaw (only by drunken bar fight)
18. 50 Cent
19. Kiefer Sutherland
20. Oprah Winfrey (cannibalism)
21. The Doobie Brothers
22. Warren Haynes (by guitar solo)
23. Jack Nicholson
24. Liam Neeson
25. John Popper (he collects weapons already)
Honorable Mentions
Harrison Ford, Russell Crowe (what a temper), Ted Nugent (watch this video for proof)
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